Words Out of Shadow: outsiders' own stories

Stalag HS by Meredith Minter Dixon.
-- "[W]hen I went to middle school in 1974, it was the start of six years of horror...."

Diva's Story by Diva
-- "From junior high up until graduation day, I got teased at school and at home...."

L's Story by L
-- "You learn a lot at school -- about fear and cruelty and hate and betrayal...."

Sherry's Story by Sherry
-- "I spoke only English and my peers did not. I spent the next four years being bullied and chased up and down hallways...."

Walt's Story by Walt
-- "Next came the violence, and this escalated to a frightening degree...."

Life Begins After High School by elfchick
-- "I wish I had realized that college would not be as hellish, that if I'd left home I could have finally had a life ;)...."

Vanessa's Story by Vanessa Green
-- "My high school torture was more psychological than anything else...."

Matt's Story by Matt Beland
-- "I watch news stories of children killing children because they couldn't take it anymore, and I think 'I understand'...."

Heather's Story by Heather
-- "I was bullied throughout my secondary school life, not just by a few people, but by the entire school community...."

Patrick's Story by Patrick Hunter-Kilmer
-- "Basically from third grade to seventh I could count on someone trying to beat me up every day...."

Sasha's Story by Sasha
-- "From the beginning, I was the number one victim in my school....During all of this, I was still desperate to be accepted...."

Buffy's Story by Buffy
-- "I couldn't figure out why people hated me so much...."

Debi's Story by Debi
-- "My mother told me they were all 'just jealous.' How can the ENTIRE 5th grade class be 'just jealous?'..."

My Experience in Hell by Aisa
-- "My parents had to literraly force me to go toschool. I was terrified...."

Crystal's Story by Crystal
-- "It was hard to face school because I knew they would make fun of me...."

Angry Children by Jonathan
-- "Finally at 15 I realized why I was getting clobbered: I simply had not gotten angry enough...."

Alyssa's Story by Alyssa
-- "I had nightmares about that damned bus-stop up until the end of high school!...."

Michelle's Story by Michelle M.
-- "Because of them i was miserable for 5 friggen years. I wanted to die. I wanted the world to end. I wanted to kill...."

Charlene's Story by Charlene.
-- "She would deliberately try and do things to make my life a living hell...."

Lilith's Story by Lilith Markwell
-- "I believe I enjoyed school for two years, kindergarten and 1st grade. After that thing started going down hill...."

J's Story by J
-- "Matt then said, "You stupid flat-faced ching chong," and walked away...."

Alanna's Story by Alanna Morland
-- "I made my first mistake -- I cried. That made me an easy target for the next six years of hell...."

Celina's Story by Celina
-- "I also threted to my whole class comiting sucide they said in a serious way go ahead like they didn't care and they didn't...."

S. Bright's Story by S. Bright
-- "I was afraid of my own shadow mainly because of the abuse I got from grade school and the hardships at home...."

Black Lightning: A Survivor's Tale by Sunfell
-- "My martial arts instructor helped me to...turn this black and overpowering rage into an awesome weapon that I can control...."

Lizbeth's Story by Lizbeth
-- "the boys would throw pens, spitballs and any other object they could get their hands on at me. It was kind of like being "stoned" with office products...."

A.K.'s Story by A.K.
-- "He would stab me with pencils and take the metal off one of those wooden rulers w/ a copper edge and say he would strangle me w/ it...."

A Shakespearean Tragedy by Mark
-- "In the eighth grade, I had chemicals poured on me in a science lab. I was usually bombarded by less toxic materials on a regular basis...."

Graduation Speech by Macon
-- "For a lot of you, high school was anything but the 'best four years of your life'...."

Megan's Story by Megan the Pagan
-- "I'm goth and happy. But I'm still an outcast...."

Rebecca's Story by Rebecca
-- " On any given day I would go through the halls to a chorus of "freak", "dyke", "gay", etc....."

Mike's Story by Mike
-- "Whenever they started in on me I just went blank. I figured at some point they would get bored and go away. It sort of worked and didn't at the same time...."

Amaryllis' Story by Amaryllis
-- "[A] core group of about 5 boys from my gifted program began to taunt me and harrass me. My name was 'shitface'...."

Roland's Story by Roland
-- "If there had been a Dylan to my Eric, or an Eric to my Dylan, I very well could have chosen their path...."

Kim's Story by Kim
-- "I was ready to confront an individual but there was no way to confront a sneering crowd...."

Andrea's Story by Andrea
-- "They would mention me by name and make sure everyone around knew that I was not invited...."

Pedersen's Story by Pedersen
"For almost all of my high school life, I had my suicide note written out, in my head. And my last request would be that it be read over school announcement system...."

Yolanda's Story by Yolanda
"I knew better than to try and approach groups of children to play, it was bound to result in hurled epithets or missiles...."

Linda's Story by Linda
"My "best friend" would be two-faced and make fun of me also, when she was good friends with the in-group...."

Tess' Story by Tess
"One of the most popular girls...pushed me off the swings while telling me that 'crippled kids weren't allowed on the swingset....'"

Mina's Story by Mina
"I spent the hours in the classrooms, sitting alone, silently, trying to do my work, but also having to hear the whispers of kids talking about me...."

Lisa's Story by Lisa
-- "i grew mean and angry and hated everyone who picked on me. i came back with a bad attitude, didn't take anyones shit...."

Chris' Story by Chris
-- "I begen to feel that I actually didn't care when people did these things to me. I accepted that they happened and that I just had to expect them and deal with it...."

Ron's Story by Ron
-- "You go into school with high hopes and an innocent view of relationships to some part. Then that gets beaten out of you mercilessly...."

Howard's Story by Howard
-- "Mostly I suffered from daily relentless verbal abuse by my classmates, as well as vandalism against my personal belongings,..."

Deb's Story by Deb
-- "In high school, kids with cars would run up over the curb as if they were going to hit me...."

Melita's Story by Melita
"The cries of 'boff', 'swot', 'little bitch' and 'loner' were a firey spark piercing my skin, but they didn't shred my soul or my spirit...."

Teachers: The Cruelest Bullies of All by Kristen
-- "'Some of us can literally live off our fat for seven days at least.' Then she pointed at me and said, 'Of course this girl can live off hers for a much longer time!...'"

Anne's Story by Anne.
"...I always went to school with the feeling that it was this unprotected, lawless society where anything could happen...."

A Tale from the Shadowlands by Roselle
-- "Reading became my source of strength (i used to hide in the library to escape the 'marauding horde')...."

Gem's Story by Gem
-- "I prayed to die each night in my sleep...."

Marie's Story by Marie
-- "[M]y family had already spoken with the teachers...but the teachers simply told them I should learn how to live in Finland...."

Stacy's Story by Stacy
-- "It mostly happened on the bus and I dreaded it daily. I had gum thrown in my hair, hit, kicked, etc...."

Jo's Story by Jo
-- "I don't want to dwell too much on all the crap that happened, so I'll just say that it's a crying shame when a girl has to use her fists against other girls to stop physical abuse...."

What I Learned at School by C.F..
-- "At one point, out of a sick curiosity, I kept a tally of all the mean things that were said to me throughout the day, and it climbed into the hundreds per week...."

Sarah's Story by Sarah Morris
-- " People hated being in groups with me, hated sitting at lunch tables with me, hated being near me period...."
N.B. Sarah's mother has also written about Sarah's experiences, in Raven Days' Lighting the Way article Harassment, From a Parent's View.

If you've had similar experiences, and you'd like to let other outsiders know they aren't alone, please consider posting your story on the Web. Contact dixonm@pobox.com to send me your story (or a link to your story).

For stories from parents whose children and teens are or were bullied in school, see Raven Days' Lighting the Way.

Jon Katz' Hellmouth columns on Slashdot inspired me to create this website. Here are links to them:

Voices from the Hellmouth by Jon Katz.
More Stories from the Hellmouth by Jon Katz.
The Price of Being Different by Jon Katz.
Hope in the Hellmouth by Jon Katz.

Childhood Teasing, Taunting Too Often Overlooked by Al Stefanelli for the Zebulon Record, reprinted here with the Record's kind permission. "[A]dvice does no good when the bullies come after you. It's like trying to avoid a freight train while walking on the tracks." This article was written in response to the death of a 12-year-old middle school student who committed suicide after being repeatedly bullied in school.

School...the Nightmare, by Tom Brown. -- "I couldn't cry...I couldn't scream...I could do nothing but exist...and I didn't know how much longer I could even go on doing that...."

Stories of Surviving Bullying -- Rose, in Scotland, has posted her own story here and hopes to add others' personal narratives as well. "Sometimes if someone was alone they would ask me to play with them, but I was always the last resort...."

High School Outcasts, by Mark Steel. "It didn't take long for them to become sneaky and start slashing my tires or super-gluing my lockers shut or blindsiding me as I sat in home room doing last minute homework...."

Why the Bullying Must Stop, by Jonty Driver for the Daily Telegraph-- "Can anyone who has not been bullied understand what it is like to inhabit that solitary hell? Realise how the unremitting repetition of name, nickname, joke, taunt, pinch, push, trip, surreptitious punch adds up to misery unbounded?"

Bullies: Nothing Has Changed, by Kristen Houghton, web-published by UselessKnowledge. -- "One of the other girls flipped the books out of my arms and they walked away laughing...."

A Bullying Victim Speaks, web-published by the BBC. -- "I was desperately unhappy and can say that I had no friends whatsoever during that time...."

Putting an End to the Fruit Pie Bully, by Mikel LeFort for the Rapid City Journal. -- "After seething in my chair for a few moments as the drone of bully laughter echoed in my ears, my blood boiled hotter than it ever had...."

Bullying Affects Us All, by Ed Harris for the Hamden Journal. -- "I mostly remember girls telling the bullies to stop picking on me. That hurt almost as much as getting picked on...."

Stabbed Schoolgirl Speaks for the First Time of Bullying Ordeal -- "Blood was pouring out of my eye and I thought I had lost it. All I could feel was pain." Article web-published by the Daily Mail.

One Girl's Triumph Over Bullies and Obesity -- "At 5ft 8 I weighed 16 stone and I got bullied almost daily...." Article by Sammy-Jo for FemaleFirst.

Rescuing Weakfish -- "The barracuda ordered Steven to his knees and forced him to simulate an act of oral sex...." Article by Rod Rose for the Lebanon Reporter, web-published by the Tribune-Star.

Barre Town Students Battle Bullying -- "Ford told the students how she coped with ... getting tripped as she struggled to walk down the school halls...." Article by Daphne Larkin for the Times-Argus.

Bullying: Local Student Speaks Out on Issue -- "They would slam me into lockers, try to put me in the lockers, lock me in the locker room so I would be late for practice, beat me up and humiliate me in front of people...." Article by Mike Ford for the Delphos Herald.

Constant Bullying Takes Toll on Year 10 Victim -- "Exclusion, that's the big one. We'll be doing something in class that requires groups and I'll be left out of the groups...." Article by Daniel Breen on behalf of 15-year-old Braden McKay, web-published by the Geelong Advertiser.

School Bullying Is Making My Life Hell -- "I can't have a Bebo page because they'd fill it up with nasty remarks...." Column by Joan Burnie, quoting an anonymous student, in the Daily Record.

Everymom: Bullying in Schools Needs to Stop -- "It wasn't the fist or the bruises left behind that hurt. It was the frustration, the helplessness, that I felt...." Column by Jami Kunzer for the Northwest Herald.

We Can Counter Bullying by Making Classrooms More Accepting -- "Pretending I was Nancy Drew worked until an India rubber ball ricocheted off my daydreaming head...." Article by Brenda Adams-Henry for the Gazette.

New! Another Side of Bullying -- "Bullying isn't always getting your face smashed near the lockers or pushing around the girl who wears outdated jeans. It's words and ostracizing, as well...." Article by Jimmy Isaac for the Longview News-Journal.

What Larks, Pip, by Alison Light for the Guardian. This is actually a book review, but the book (Dickens' Great Expectations) reminded the reviewer of having been bullied herself, and she describes a few occasions.

School Shootings -- Why Now, Not Then?, by Elijah Gosier for the St. Petersburg Times.

Bullying in Schools -- "...he said it's tough to walk his usual route home from school - when he knows he's being followed...." Article web-published by WJAC.

Have You Experienced Hi-Tech Bullying? web-published by the BBC.

Victim Turns the Tables -- "It happened everywhere -- at the gym, on the train, around the school, when I carried my clarinet and in class...." Article by Susie O'Brien for Elise Pulbrook, web-published by the Herald Sun.

Don't Suffer in Silence.... -- "I had my hair set on fire twice. A boy held a lighter to my head in a corridor...." Article by Abbie Wightwick about Jamie Haviland, for the Western Mail.

"Ozy and Millie" © 1999 by D.C. Simpson, and appears here by permission.

All original material on the Raven Days website, except the material appearing in the sections Words Out of Shadow and Lighting the Way, © 1999-2008 by its creator and maintainer, Meredith Minter Dixon.. Copyright to the articles in the sectionsWords Out of Shadow and Lighting the Way is retained by their authors. Counter: 20358