Words Out of Shadow: outsiders' own stories

Stalag HS by Meredith Minter Dixon.
-- "[W]hen I went to middle school in 1974, it was the start of six years of horror...."
See also Ten Years Later, written in 2009 for Raven Days' tenth anniversary.

Diva's Story by Diva
-- "From junior high up until graduation day, I got teased at school and at home...."

L's Story by L
-- "You learn a lot at school -- about fear and cruelty and hate and betrayal...."

Sherry's Story by Sherry
-- "I spoke only English and my peers did not. I spent the next four years being bullied and chased up and down hallways...."

Walt's Story by Walt
-- "Next came the violence, and this escalated to a frightening degree...."

Life Begins After High School by elfchick
-- "I wish I had realized that college would not be as hellish, that if I'd left home I could have finally had a life ;)...."

Vanessa's Story by Vanessa Green
-- "My high school torture was more psychological than anything else...."

Matt's Story by Matt Beland
-- "I watch news stories of children killing children because they couldn't take it anymore, and I think 'I understand'...."

Heather's Story by Heather
-- "I was bullied throughout my secondary school life, not just by a few people, but by the entire school community...."

Patrick's Story by Patrick Hunter-Kilmer
-- "Basically from third grade to seventh I could count on someone trying to beat me up every day...."

Sasha's Story by Sasha
-- "From the beginning, I was the number one victim in my school....During all of this, I was still desperate to be accepted...."

Buffy's Story by Buffy
-- "I couldn't figure out why people hated me so much...."

Debi's Story by Debi
-- "My mother told me they were all 'just jealous.' How can the ENTIRE 5th grade class be 'just jealous?'..."

My Experience in Hell by Aisa
-- "My parents had to literraly force me to go toschool. I was terrified...."

Crystal's Story by Crystal
-- "It was hard to face school because I knew they would make fun of me...."

Angry Children by Jonathan
-- "Finally at 15 I realized why I was getting clobbered: I simply had not gotten angry enough...."

Alyssa's Story by Alyssa
-- "I had nightmares about that damned bus-stop up until the end of high school!...."

Michelle's Story by Michelle M.
-- "Because of them i was miserable for 5 friggen years. I wanted to die. I wanted the world to end. I wanted to kill...."

Charlene's Story by Charlene.
-- "She would deliberately try and do things to make my life a living hell...."

Lilith's Story by Lilith Markwell
-- "I believe I enjoyed school for two years, kindergarten and 1st grade. After that thing started going down hill...."

J's Story by J
-- "Matt then said, "You stupid flat-faced ching chong," and walked away...."

Alanna's Story by Alanna Morland
-- "I made my first mistake -- I cried. That made me an easy target for the next six years of hell...."

Celina's Story by Celina
-- "I also threted to my whole class comiting sucide they said in a serious way go ahead like they didn't care and they didn't...."

S. Bright's Story by S. Bright
-- "I was afraid of my own shadow mainly because of the abuse I got from grade school and the hardships at home...."

Black Lightning: A Survivor's Tale by Sunfell
-- "My martial arts instructor helped me to...turn this black and overpowering rage into an awesome weapon that I can control...."

Lizbeth's Story by Lizbeth
-- "the boys would throw pens, spitballs and any other object they could get their hands on at me. It was kind of like being "stoned" with office products...."

A.K.'s Story by A.K.
-- "He would stab me with pencils and take the metal off one of those wooden rulers w/ a copper edge and say he would strangle me w/ it...."

A Shakespearean Tragedy by Mark
-- "In the eighth grade, I had chemicals poured on me in a science lab. I was usually bombarded by less toxic materials on a regular basis...."

Graduation Speech by Macon
-- "For a lot of you, high school was anything but the 'best four years of your life'...."

Megan's Story by Megan the Pagan
-- "I'm goth and happy. But I'm still an outcast...."

Rebecca's Story by Rebecca
-- " On any given day I would go through the halls to a chorus of "freak", "dyke", "gay", etc....."

Mike's Story by Mike
-- "Whenever they started in on me I just went blank. I figured at some point they would get bored and go away. It sort of worked and didn't at the same time...."

Amaryllis' Story by Amaryllis
-- "[A] core group of about 5 boys from my gifted program began to taunt me and harrass me. My name was 'shitface'...."

Roland's Story by Roland
-- "If there had been a Dylan to my Eric, or an Eric to my Dylan, I very well could have chosen their path...."

Kim's Story by Kim
-- "I was ready to confront an individual but there was no way to confront a sneering crowd...."

Andrea's Story by Andrea
-- "They would mention me by name and make sure everyone around knew that I was not invited...."

Pedersen's Story by Pedersen
"For almost all of my high school life, I had my suicide note written out, in my head. And my last request would be that it be read over school announcement system...."

Yolanda's Story by Yolanda
"I knew better than to try and approach groups of children to play, it was bound to result in hurled epithets or missiles...."

Linda's Story by Linda
"My "best friend" would be two-faced and make fun of me also, when she was good friends with the in-group...."

Tess' Story by Tess
"One of the most popular girls...pushed me off the swings while telling me that 'crippled kids weren't allowed on the swingset....'"

Mina's Story by Mina
"I spent the hours in the classrooms, sitting alone, silently, trying to do my work, but also having to hear the whispers of kids talking about me...."

Lisa's Story by Lisa
-- "i grew mean and angry and hated everyone who picked on me. i came back with a bad attitude, didn't take anyones shit...."

Chris' Story by Chris
-- "I begen to feel that I actually didn't care when people did these things to me. I accepted that they happened and that I just had to expect them and deal with it...."

Ron's Story by Ron
-- "You go into school with high hopes and an innocent view of relationships to some part. Then that gets beaten out of you mercilessly...."

Howard's Story by Howard
-- "Mostly I suffered from daily relentless verbal abuse by my classmates, as well as vandalism against my personal belongings,..."

Deb's Story by Deb
-- "In high school, kids with cars would run up over the curb as if they were going to hit me...."

Melita's Story by Melita
"The cries of 'boff', 'swot', 'little bitch' and 'loner' were a firey spark piercing my skin, but they didn't shred my soul or my spirit...."

Teachers: The Cruelest Bullies of All by Kristen
-- "'Some of us can literally live off our fat for seven days at least.' Then she pointed at me and said, 'Of course this girl can live off hers for a much longer time!...'"

Anne's Story by Anne.
"...I always went to school with the feeling that it was this unprotected, lawless society where anything could happen...."

A Tale from the Shadowlands by Roselle
-- "Reading became my source of strength (i used to hide in the library to escape the 'marauding horde')...."

Gem's Story by Gem
-- "I prayed to die each night in my sleep...."

Marie's Story by Marie
-- "[M]y family had already spoken with the teachers...but the teachers simply told them I should learn how to live in Finland...."

Stacy's Story by Stacy
-- "It mostly happened on the bus and I dreaded it daily. I had gum thrown in my hair, hit, kicked, etc...."

Jo's Story by Jo
-- "I don't want to dwell too much on all the crap that happened, so I'll just say that it's a crying shame when a girl has to use her fists against other girls to stop physical abuse...."

What I Learned at School by C.F..
-- "At one point, out of a sick curiosity, I kept a tally of all the mean things that were said to me throughout the day, and it climbed into the hundreds per week...."

Tomas' Story by Tomas
-- "I got put down mentally and punished physically. It was not staged fights; rather shere torture. They used to say I needed to be taught a lesson...."

Escape and Evasion by David N. Brown
-- "I think it was 'stranger bullying' that finally left me feeling paranoid and demoralized...."

Sarah's Story by Sarah Morris
-- " People hated being in groups with me, hated sitting at lunch tables with me, hated being near me period...."
N.B. Sarah's mother has also written about Sarah's experiences, in Raven Days' Lighting the Way article Harassment, From a Parent's View.

If you've had similar experiences, and you'd like to let other outsiders know they aren't alone, please consider posting your story on the Web. Contact dixonm@pobox.com to send me your story (or a link to your story).

For stories from parents whose children and teens are or were bullied in school, see Raven Days' Lighting the Way.

Jon Katz' Hellmouth columns on Slashdot inspired me to create this website. Here are links to them:

Voices from the Hellmouth by Jon Katz.
More Stories from the Hellmouth by Jon Katz.
The Price of Being Different by Jon Katz.
Hope in the Hellmouth by Jon Katz.

Childhood Teasing, Taunting Too Often Overlooked by Al Stefanelli for the Zebulon Record, reprinted here with the Record's kind permission. "[A]dvice does no good when the bullies come after you. It's like trying to avoid a freight train while walking on the tracks." This article was written in response to the death of a 12-year-old middle school student who committed suicide after being repeatedly bullied in school.

School...the Nightmare, by Tom Brown. -- "I couldn't cry...I couldn't scream...I could do nothing but exist...and I didn't know how much longer I could even go on doing that...."

High School Outcasts, by Mark Steel. "It didn't take long for them to become sneaky and start slashing my tires or super-gluing my lockers shut or blindsiding me as I sat in home room doing last minute homework...."

Bullies: Nothing Has Changed, by Kristen Houghton, web-published by UselessKnowledge. -- "One of the other girls flipped the books out of my arms and they walked away laughing...."

That Which Doesn't Kill Us -- -- "The worst part was, if good always triumphed over evil then why did I lose? Unless I wasn't good." Blog post by Dan Heffley, on his blog Observations and Musings.

A Bullying Victim Speaks, web-published by the BBC. -- "I was desperately unhappy and can say that I had no friends whatsoever during that time...."

A Bullying Victim's Story -- "It's when they stick me with push pins and thumb tacks, that really hurts...." Article by Brennan Umthun for the Daily Gate City

Bullying Marks You For Life -- "I kicked and screamed and pleaded...." Column by Rod Dreher for the Dallas Morning News.

Mother Urges School, Parents to Stop Bullying -- "And they'll follow me to my class and they'll follow me -- to my locker wherever I'm going. And it's like you know they're behind you and -- they're there." Article web-published by CBC.

Playing With Others: Gaining Acceptance -- A former victim was accepted by his schoolmates after they learned he was good at videogames. Article web-published by Destructoid.

Stabbed Schoolgirl Speaks for the First Time of Bullying Ordeal -- "Blood was pouring out of my eye and I thought I had lost it. All I could feel was pain." Article web-published by the Daily Mail.

One Girl's Triumph Over Bullies and Obesity -- "At 5ft 8 I weighed 16 stone and I got bullied almost daily...." Article by Sammy-Jo for FemaleFirst.

Barre Town Students Battle Bullying -- "Ford told the students how she coped with ... getting tripped as she struggled to walk down the school halls...." Article by Daphne Larkin for the Times-Argus.

Constant Bullying Takes Toll on Year 10 Victim -- "Exclusion, that's the big one. We'll be doing something in class that requires groups and I'll be left out of the groups...." Article by Daniel Breen on behalf of 15-year-old Braden McKay, web-published by the Geelong Advertiser.

We Can Counter Bullying by Making Classrooms More Accepting -- "Pretending I was Nancy Drew worked until an India rubber ball ricocheted off my daydreaming head...." Article by Brenda Adams-Henry for the Gazette.

Case Studies of School Bullying -- "[E]arlier this year I was bitten on the arm by another student at high school...." Web-published by the Advertiser.

Bullied and Harassed, a Student Can't Learn, by Andy Berlin for the Star-Tribune. -- "Several older students would follow me around, taunt me, grab at me, then ask me if I liked it...."

Battling the Bullies -- "They were whistling to make me have a seizure...." Article by Saffron Howden for the Northern Star>.

New! Anti-Bullying Advocate was School Punching Bag -- "I've had rocks thrown at me; I've been pushed off playground equipment; I've had someone try to break my neck...." Article by Jonathan Jenkins for the Toronto Sun.

What Larks, Pip, by Alison Light for the Guardian. This is actually a book review, but the book (Dickens' Great Expectations) reminded the reviewer of having been bullied herself, and she describes a few occasions.

Children Need to be Taught Not to Bully -- "Anyone who has never been the target of school bullies has absolutely no idea of the hurt, the scars - and the hate - that is carried well into adulthood...." Letter to the editor of the Citizen by Paul N. Luziani.

School Shootings -- Why Now, Not Then?, by Elijah Gosier for the St. Petersburg Times.

A Boy the Bullies Love to Beat Up, Repeatedly -- 15-year-old Billy Wolfe is being routinely beaten up by schoolmates. Article by Dan Barry for the New York Times. See also Parents Sue Bully. School District Next? by Kyle Bachus and Darin Schanker for InjuryBoard.

Bullying in Schools -- "...he said it's tough to walk his usual route home from school - when he knows he's being followed...." Article web-published by WJAC.

The Sociology Student -- "As the bullying got worse, I felt more and more isolated...," by Janet Murray for Paul Slinn, web-published by the Guardian.

Let's Stop the Bullying -- Article by Chance Crail, currently a high school freshman.

Hannah Tells of Her Ordeal.... -- "Then it got physical. I was being stabbed with pens and kicked in my lessons...." Article by Katie Norman for the Cardiff News.

Boy Described Being Bullied at School -- "'The worst of it has been some of the name calling, and it hurts....'" Article by Jordan Sandler for WIS.

Have You Experienced Hi-Tech Bullying? web-published by the BBC.

A Life of Pain -- "He has been held under water, had his head run into a wall and had balls thrown at his head...." Article by Sharon Woods Harris for the Pekin Daily Times.

Isle of Wight Teen Accused of Beating.... -- "I just got hit in the back of the head, and my head went into the window and I went down into the seat...." Article web-published by WTKR.

School Didn't Answer Bullied Teen's Plea -- "'Why don't I just kill myself so I don't have to deal with this anymore,' he recalls thinking two years ago...." Article by Michele Mandel for the Toronto Sun.

Bullied Kid in Limbo.... -- A middle-school student has been kept at home by his family after being sent to the hospital by a schoolmate last spring. Article by Andrea Peyser for the New York Post.

"Bully Made Me Suicidal" -- A 14-year-old girl tried to kill herself after being relentlessly teased by other students. Article web-published by the BBC. See also How Taunts of a Racist Bully..., by Andrew Levy for the Daily Mail, and School Bully Convicted..., by Andrew Parker for the Sun.

Mother, Daughter Share Unfortunate Bond of Being Bullied -- "Her payback was that her classmates put staples in her skirt and laughed at her." Column by John Fidler for the Reading Eagle.

How to Beat the Bully -- Articles about several bullying survivors, by Roberta T. McCulloch for the Times Herald-Record.

Lack of Help Led to Bomb Threat -- Article by Tawnya Panizzi for the Herald.

The "Stop Bullying Now" Campaign -- "I was told that the parents didn't want the kids playing with me...." Article by Theresa Schmidt for KPLC-TV.

Back to School Means Back to the Bullies -- Article about an eighth grader who's being regularly bullied. Article by Janis Ramsay for the Alliston Herald>.

Elijah Driven to Brink by Bullying -- A bullied 12-year-old has contemplated suicide. Article by Julie McNamara for the Geelong Advertiser. See also Elijah Honoured for Leadership, by Julie McNamara for the Geelong Advertiser, and Support Letters for Bully Victim Elijah Vetma, by Julie McNamara for the Geelong Advertiser.

Teen's Pen is Mightier than Schoolyard Push and Shove -- A 13-year-old has written a fictionalized account of her experiences being bullied. Article by Julie McNamara for the Geelong Advertiser.

Real Danger, or Cry For Help? -- A 14-year-old who kept a journal in which he fantasized about killing his bullies in his private journal may be expelled from school. Column by Phil Luciano for the Peoria Journal Star.

Bullying Makes School Life Almost Impossible for Student -- Article web-published by the Central Peace Signal.

Abuse Drives Teen to Quit School -- Article by Giles Brown for Stuff.

Student Finds a New Way to Fight Bullies -- Article about Patrick Kohlmann, a bullied 13-year-old who posted a video about being bullied to YouTube. Article by Emily Cunningham for the Shelter Island Reporter. See also Teen's Family Sues Middle School After Bullying, by Raina Gittlin and Stephanie Dahle for ABC.

School Bullies Made Me Go Bald, Says Teenager, by Jaya Narain for the Daily Mail.

Boys in Fear from School Bullies -- "I had three people grab hold of me - two of them pinned me down and the other one started kicking me...." Article web-published by the BBC.

Family Says Kids Bullied -- Twins, a boy and a girl, have been physically bullied at their middle school. Article by Molly Blancett for KVAL.

Reliving the Pain Bullies Inflict -- Article about Eamonn Devlin, a bullied student who grew up to make an anti-bullying documentary. Article web-published by the BBC.

"Ozy and Millie" © 1999 by D.C. Simpson, and appears here by permission.

All original material on the Raven Days website, except the material appearing in the sections Words Out of Shadow and Lighting the Way, © 1999-2010 by its creator and maintainer, Meredith Minter Dixon.. Copyright to the articles in the sectionsWords Out of Shadow and Lighting the Way is retained by their authors. Counter: 24852