In the seventh grade I moved to Jordan (my family is continually moving). I thought that I would have a great time there, however, my two years there were probably something like hell. The seventh grade wasn't too bad. The only thing I was suffering from was lack of friends (I had one, which was a difference from all the friends I had before). however, in eighth grade the girl that had been picked on in 7th grade was gone, and I was put in her place. The beginning of the school year was ok, but then one of my 'friends' stole a valuable ring, and everybody believed her and not me. There were only 24 people in the whole grade anyway. Things had been going on before, people making fun of my physical features or nationality, but here they exploded. Everyday they'd interrogate me. They said that I'd go to hell because Allah didn't like lie-ers. The verble abuse, and solitary confinement ruined my health. Along with a sleaping disorder, I had lost a lot of blood (Iwas deathly white and had no energy and had dizzy spells), and I was depressed. Suicidal thoughts were the norm for me.
A met a girl from an other school, who was a slight outcast. She was nice to me, and into witchcraft. Being so greatful for a friend, I was always with ehr,and inevidably became interested in witchcraft. I never did anything, except one spell that people would except me, but the word got around school that I was a satanist. Even the high schoolers heard about this one. I wasn't allowed to touch anything. They'd say that I'd curse it. I was called a witch. When I refused to fast (I used to be Muslim) the girls would interrogate me and say that I was going to go to hell for not fasting. What I didn't understand was how come I would go to hell just becauseIdid't fast, whereas they would go to heaven because they fasted. They were bitches the rest of the year.
I started listening to Placebo, and if I heard a somewhat sad song i would start crying. My grades slipped considerably, and I failed math. I'mm sure that if drugs were available, I would take them. I used to be a girl that always smiled, and now I didn't ever smile anymore.
I missed the 8th grade retreat becauseI couldn't bear to spend 3 days with my classmates. My parents had to literraly force me to go toschool. I was terrified. If I saw someone in my grade, I'd start shivering. They made fun of everything.
My parents of course found out, and went to the school, wich did nothing at all. They talked to the girls, of course, but their (the girls) niceness (wich ment not taking to me) lasted for about a week.
My school didn't have a counceler, and they need 'evidence', like what the girls called me or what they did. When I listed what Icould remember (I think I had put a mentle block on life), it wouldn't seem like a big deal. It was when they all added up that it was a big deal, but nobody understood that.
I became bulimic, and one night I attempted suicide. Luckily I thought of my parents at the last minute (literally, the LAST minute).
Now I live in NY, and I think it's terrible that someone as young as me should have faced so many terrible things. I'm going to a new school and have friends, but my self-esteem is non existant, so I dont try out for anything. My life is very happy, or so it seems to others, but I still have emotional scars. I'm very sensitive to other people, so if I recieve an odd glance or hear that someone doesn't like me, I cut myself.
I'm so glad that there's finally a site that is based solely on this topic. It meant the world to me that other people have been through what I've been through. Thank you.
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