it started i guess in elementary, i was bullied a lot cause i couldn't afford good clothes or new shoes, but i didn't pay any attention to it, cause also had my friends that stood up for me. i was in extracurricular activities, so i guess my mind was never concentrating on that. but when i got to junior high, my first year, it started off OK, but then eventually everyone started making fun of me, calling me names, all the way down the hall, on the street in the office, in the class. it was really bad. i hated it.
i had nothing to do because all the sports were for the 7th and 8th grade only, so i was left with nothing to do. just playing my kickball afterschool, a league that was created to help keep kids off the street. during school, they laughed at me, laughed in my face, called me names, everything they could do they did.i hated going to school, i never told my Mom, i never thought of doing so, i had not a single friend but two of which i had in elementary, but we had none of the same classes together.
my sis and i, she is my twin, never saw eye to eye on anything, several times at school we would fight. one time it was during gym class, and it was a really bad fight, we got into it pretty bad. it was physical, and everyone was on her side. she had all the boys and the popular girls on her side. when she finally got away from me, all of them were telling me, you suck, face it she kicked your ass, deal with it, none likes you, go away, everything, lots of hurtful things were said to me, and my sis, well she was pretty pissed off at me. i walked away cause the entire gym class was on her side, except for one single girl who helped me feel better, she told me not to listen and that my sis was pretty cruel to do such a thing. she stayed my friend through out the year, and everyday i never wanted to go back to school, i dreaded having to see them, and having to deal with all the name calling. i hated it. somehow i made it through the year with all them taunting me, and bothering me.
the following year i didn't want to go, but i had to. but it was OK cause all the ones who picked on me were kids that behaved bad and they had an alternative school for it. but by that time i was already a cold person, i grew mean and angry and hated everyone who picked on me. i came back with a bad attitude, didn't take anyones shit
but you know the saddest part. was that i turned into a bully, i picked on people, not people smaller than me, but on all those people that i felt were laughing at me, most of them were Gt. students preps all those kind you know. i always thought they were looking at me and laughing in their minds. it was so weird how paranoid i was of how people thought about me because how badly i was picked on. but that year none picked on me everyone feared me, and i had people talking to me that i didn't even know, but they did cause they feared me. that was so not cool.
but then my best friend came back from out of town and things seemed better i had someone, a kindred spirit, she left but then came back, and now us, bestfriends are back together. it went like that through highschool, i had people talking to me that i didn't even know because they feared me. when i finally got to highschool, i realized what i had become and isolated myself, my bestfriend and her cousin were the only people i hung oout with.
i eventually dropped out, and got pregnant at 15, i have seen some of those people that picked on me, and they talked to me like they never not once did some kind of damage to me. i blame them for what i became. but more myself for being so weak, and letting them do so. but i am 20 yrs old now, and i have lived a life, not a full one yet but i am pretty grown up, i had to i have a 4yr old daughter, and she is worth making life better and making myself better.
i hope that in no way i anger anyone for what i eventually became because i let it. some kids blow up schools, other shoot them up, and some kill their parents and most kill themselves. but i bullied people that was my was of dealing with it, i guess, and the only way i could keep people away and not pick on me any more.
p.s. my sis and i are also closer than ever now.
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